I’ve never been to a pumpkin patch. I mean a REAL pumpkin patch, where you can pick your own berries and feed the animals and such. I happen to love Halloween (which is one reason I got married on one) and have carved many a pumpkin, but always from the grocery store or the “pumpkin patch” on the side of the road.

But when our friends Dan & Leslie invited us to go a couple of weeks ago I thought, what a great experience for a little kid! Feed dirty carrots to the goats, right from your tiny hand (pray the signs that say “feed at your own risk” are just CYA)! Pick your own berries, right off the bush! Ah, nature.

Let’s just say all did not go as planned…

The good news is the “hand-picking” part was raspberries, and Zoe LOVES raspberries. But contrary to the lovely picture I painted in my mind of skipping down rows and popping fresh berries in our child’s mouth, these raspberry bushes were swarming with bees (apparently bees like berries, too). I am terrified of bees. A completely irrational fear (I’m not allergic), but a PANIC level fear. Oh, I would give a lot of money for the mental “video” Bart and our friends now have of me being literally CHASED by a bee. Which of course, I ran from and swatted at, repeatedly (come on, I was being attacked).

Tie that image in with what happened once Bart and Zoe caught up with me and that same bee (I’m sure of it) was flying around my husband and my child. Poor Bart. First, I grabbed Zoe from him, covered her with my body and ran, until that killer bee chased ME again and Bart saw the panic in my eyes. Thankfully, he took Zoe back and walked calmly away. I love that man.

I’m not proud of my bee-havior (I had to), and lord knows what I just taught my daughter (who didn’t even flinch, by the way), but we did end up with an awesome pumpkin we hope to carve. And our sweet friends actually picked up the basket of raspberries I’d frantically tossed aside to derail the bee from his mission to kill me. Oh, and they didn’t even laugh at me.

On the bright side, Zoe loved feeding the animals and got to see her first alpaca and goat climbing. That’s something. Better yet, no one died. And that’s really great.

Next year, either Daddy gets the pumpkin patch experience solo or Mommy hits the grocery store.